MARRIAGE, FAMILY, AND KINSHIP

Marriage. There are three types of marriage in Nigeria today: religious

marriage, civil marriage, and traditional marriage. A Nigerian couple

may decide to take part in one or all of these marriages. Religious

marriages, usually Christian or Muslim, are conducted according to the

norms of the respective religious teachings and take place in a church

or a mosque. Christian males are allowed only one wife, while Muslim

men can take up to four wives. Civil official weddings take place in a

government registry office. Men are allowed only one wife under a civil

wedding, regardless of religion. Traditional marriages usually are held

at the wife's house and are performed according to the customs of the

ethnic group involved. Most ethnic groups traditionally allow more than

one wife.

Depending on whom you ask, polygamy has both advantages and

disadvantages in Nigerian society. Some Nigerians see polygamy as a

divisive force in the family, often pitting one wife against another.

Others see polygamy as a unifying factor, creating a built-in support

system that allows wives to work as a team.

While Western ways of courtship and marriage are not unheard of, the

power of traditional values and the strong influence of the family mean

that traditional ways are usually followed, even in the cities and

among the elite. According to old customs, women did not have much

choice of whom they married, though the numbers of arranged marriages

are declining. It is also not uncommon for women to marry in their

teens, often to a much older man. In instances where there are already

one or more wives, it is the first wife's responsibility to look after

the newest wife and help her integrate into the family.

Many Nigerian ethnic groups follow the practice of offering a bride

price for an intended wife. Unlike a dowry, in which the woman would

bring something of material value to the marriage, a bride price is

some form of compensation the husband must pay before he can marry a

wife. A bride price can take the form of money, cattle, wine, or other

valuable goods paid to the woman's family, but it also can take a more

subtle form. Men might contribute money to the education of an intended

wife or help to establish her in a small-scale business or agricultural

endeavor. This form of bride price is often incorporated as part of the

wooing process. While women who leave their husbands will be welcomed

back into their families, they often need a justification for breaking

the marriage. If the husband is seen as having treated his wife well,

he can expect to have the bride price repaid.

Though customs vary from group to group, traditional weddings are often

full of dancing and lively music. There is also lots of excitement and

cultural displays. For example, the Yoruba have a practice in which the

bride and two or three other women come out covered from head to toe in

a white shroud. It is the groom's job to identify his wife from among

the shrouded women to show how well he knows his wife.

Divorce is quite common in Nigeria. Marriage is more of a social

contract made to ensure the continuation of family lines rather than a

union based on love and emotional connections. It is not uncommon for a

husband and wife to live in separate homes and to be extremely

independent of one another. In most ethnic groups, either the man or

the woman can end the marriage. If the woman leaves her husband, she

will often be taken as a second or third wife of another man. If this

is the case, the new husband is responsible for repaying the bride

price to the former husband. Children of a divorced woman are normally

accepted into the new family as well, without any problems.

Domestic Unit. The majority of Nigerian families are very large by

Western standards. Many Nigerian men take more than one wife. In some

ethnic groups, the greater the number of children, the greater a man's

standing in the eyes of his peers. Family units of ten or more are not

uncommon.

In a polygamous family, each wife is responsible for feeding and caring

for her own children, though the wives often help each other when

needed. The wives also will take turns feeding their husband so that

the cost of his food is spread equally between or among the wives.

Husbands are the authority figures in the household, and many are not

used to their ideas or wishes being challenged.

In most Nigerian cultures, the father has his crops to tend to, while

his wives will have their own jobs, whether they be tending the family

garden, processing palm oil, or selling vegetables in the local market.

Children may attend school. When they return home, the older boys will

help their father with his work, while the girls and younger boys will

go to their mothers.

Inheritance. For many Nigerian ethnic groups, such as the Hausa and the

Igbo, inheritance is basically a male affair. Though women have a legal

right to inheritance in Nigeria, they often receive nothing. This is a

reflection of the forced economic independence many women live under.

While their husbands are alive, wives are often responsible for

providing for themselves and their children. Little changes

economically after the death of the husband. Property and wealth are

usually passed on to sons, if they are old enough, or to other male

relatives, such as brothers or uncles.

For the Fulani, if a man dies, his brother inherits his property and

his wife. The wife usually returns to live with her family, but she may

move in with her husband's brother and become his wife.

Kin Groups. While men dominate Igbo society, women play an important

role in kinship. All Igbos, men and women, have close ties to their

mother's clan, which usually lives in a different village. When an Igbo

dies, the body is usually sent back to his mother's village to be

buried with his mother's kin. If an Igbo is disgraced or cast out of

his community, his mother's kin will often take him in.

For the Hausa, however, there is not much of a sense of wide-ranging

kinship. Hausa society is based on the nuclear family. There is a sense

of a larger extended family, including married siblings and their

families, but there is little kinship beyond that. However, the idea of

blood being thicker than water is very strong in Hausa society. For

this reason, many Hausas will try to stretch familial relationships to

the broader idea of clan or tribe to diffuse tensions between or among

neighbors.
SOCIALIZATION

Infant Care. Newborns in Nigerian societies are regarded with pride.

They represent a community's and a family's future and often are the

main reason for many marriages.

Throughout Nigeria, the bond between mother and child is very strong.

During the first few years of a child's life, the mother is never far

away. Nigerian women place great importance on breast-feeding and the

bond that it creates between mother and child. Children are often not

weaned off their mother's milk until they are toddlers.

Children who are too young to walk or get around on their own are

carried on their mother's backs, secured by a broad cloth that is tied

around the baby and fastened at the mother's breasts. Women will often

carry their children on their backs while they perform their daily

chores or work in the fields.

Child Rearing and Education. When children reach the age of about four

or five, they often are expected to start performing a share of the

household duties. As the children get older, their responsibilities

grow. Young men are expected to help their fathers in the fields or

tend the livestock. Young women help with the cooking, fetch water, or

do laundry. These tasks help the children learn how to become

productive members of their family and community. As children, many

Nigerians learn that laziness is not acceptable; everyone is expected

to contribute.

While children in most Nigerian societies have responsibilities, they

also are allowed enough leeway to be children. Youngsters playing with

homemade wooden dolls and trucks, or groups of boys playing soccer are

common sights in any Nigerian village.

In many Nigerian ethnic groups, the education of children is a

community responsibility. For example,
Nigerian people at a market. Food plays a central role in the rituals

of all ethnic groups in Nigeria.
Nigerian people at a market. Food plays a central role in the rituals

of all ethnic groups in Nigeria.
in the Igbo culture the training of children is the work of both men

and women, within the family and outside it. Neighbors often look after

youngsters while parents may be busy with other chores. It is not

strange to see a man disciplining a child who is not his own.

All Nigerian children are supposed to have access to a local elementary

school. While the government aims to provide universal education for

both boys and girls, the number of girls in class is usually much lower

than the number of boys. Sending every child in a family to school can

often put a lot of strain on a family. The family will lose the child's

help around the house during school hours and will have to pay for

uniforms and supplies. If parents are forced to send one child to

school over another, many will choose to educate boys before girls.